The Archer Pelican

Family Style

 

Above, a pic from last year's southern Texas visit with my Indonesian/Vietnamese cousins and their American-raised kids. They live in a Texas-sized house but this is how they hang when they're at home: all together plus their dog (and in this pic, my dad).

Mom, dad and I will spend Christmas there this year.  Around the living room we will have people born in Vietnam, Indonesia, the Philippines, Russia and the United States.  I hope we'll eat lots of Mexican food and that I won't be a holiday recluse who avoids the living room because there are too many people :-)

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Related post: On Asian/-American Family

Ms. Manners and Seating Arrangements

 I had a lovely Thanksgiving and hope you did, too.  For the second year running, my parents and I were lucky to join their neighbors -- dear folk who also happen to use place cards.  While I rarely feel that place cards are a necessity for modern entertaining, I do think they are often helpful.

So does Miss Manners -- or at least she did twenty-seven years ago when she published this:

Dear Miss Manners:

Last night we went to a dinner party at the home of some neighbors we've never visited before they have a big dining room, and it was all fixed up with candles and everything, so I asked the hostess where I should sit. She said, “Oh, just sit anywhere,“ and so I did. Then the host said, “No, I'm sitting there“ -- it was a sort of oval table, so I couldn't tell what was to be the head of it -- so I moved. I picked another place, but then we were told to get up to get our food from the buffet table, and somebody else sat down in that place. So then I took my plate and sat down again -- you notice that this is now the third time I've tried to sit down and have dinner -- and guess who comes and sits next to me? My wife. I know married couples aren't supposed to sit next to each other dinners, but I didn't know she'd been sitting there was now up to getting her plate filled. I got fed up when the hostess that a store I was and said, “Oh, you two can’t can sit next to each other,“ and my wife sat there as if she wasn't ever going to move. But I still was nice, and I said, “Okay, where do you want me to sit? “ and the hostess said, “Oh, sit anywhere,“ and when I looked at her -- and this is now the third time she or her husband had made me move -- she said, “I mean anywhere else. “ So I took my plate and went and sat in the living room. Would you mind telling me what the hell “Sit anywhere“ means?

Gentle reader:

It means that the hostess has not taken the trouble to finish planning her dinner party. There is a mistaken notion that this omission is a sign of merry insouciance on the part of the hosts who would not dream of failing to orchestrate every other aspect of the party. If the hostess cannot carry the seating arrangement at her head so that she can give you a decent answer to your decent question of where you should sit, she ought to use place cards.

Miss Manners’ Guide To Excruciatingly Correct Behavior. Judith Martin. 1982.

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1.  I met my first etiquette book in 7th grade when I discovered Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette (~1957 edition) in the classroom closet of my Social Studies teacher, Mr. Robert W. Herbert. Looking back, I realize that Mr. Herbert was one of the most sophisticated teachers I had in Asheville. He'd traveled all around the world and knew his way around Amy Vanderbilt, Indian beggars (he taught me the word "baksheesh"), music, rock climbing and making your own scratch pads from scrap paper with a special kind of rubber cement.  He knew I was smart but didn't mind making fun of me (in a nice way) when I acted dumb.  Steve Richardson once noticed that I was the only kid in class who turned in an essay double-spaced and asked Mr. Herbert if that was what we were supposed to do.  "Only if you have very little to say", he responded. 

2.  I have an awesome ex-girlfriend who really disliked Miss Manners.  I think I understand where both women were coming from. And I'm glad to still like both women, though for different reasons.

3.  Wow, I just realized that the Amy Vanderbilt book was more current (~21 years old) when I first read it than the Miss Manners book is now.  

4.  I would love to co-author a modern etiquette book for teenagers -- a text that focuses on consideration, empathy, kindness and harmony and how these things can help us quickly figure out a well-mannered response to most social encounters.

I'm not so interested (any more) on the proper way to eat potato chips and asparagus ("in the fingers") or to address heads of state (or household servants).  But there are still many rules of etiquette worth teaching to young folk -- especially if we teach the whys behind the better rules.  Feel free to bring this up if I ever do something rude in front of you or your kids.

I want to thank you, thank you...

Thank you to all the lovely people who sent me birthday greetings last week.  It was overwhelmingly wonderful to get so many well-wishes, and I guess I should also thank Facebook for making it so easy to feel so good.

To express my thanks more melodically, let me recruit the help of Natalie Merchant who does it perfectly, starting at the 2:40 mark of Kind and Generous :

/p>

For Facebook folks who can't see the embedded video, click here please.

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Sort of related: a certain friend of mine once referred to Natalie as "bone ugly".  I disagreed both then and now but speaking of other short, dark-skinned women of a similar shape: tonight I saw Ugly Betty for the first time.  Holy cow that show is good.  Then I watched part of the new show Community and thought it was really sharp.  Then I watched part of 30 Rock (perhaps my fourth episode ever).  Where did all this amazing television come from?!?!

The Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything

For Facebook readers who can't see the embedded video, click here.

Today is much more amusing than the advent of my Jesus year :-)  Shout out to mom and dad!

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By the way, I haven't seen The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.  Just this clip.  Is it representative?

Durham Skate Park at Central Park

~30 skaters this afternoon at the Durham Skate Park, downtown at Central Park.  I don't think it's officially open (what with the "do not enter" signage and the construction equipment) but the neighbors directly across the street at the Durham Police Department District 5 substation don't seem to object.

Random stats:

~30 skaters this afternoon: ~5 Afro-American, ~5 Latino, remaining caucasian.  All male.

Ages: 12 to 35.

Geographics: some local, some clearly not (overheard: "I'm from Morrisville", "Durham's got a reputation so I've got to mind my f**king cigs.  Goddammit.  I hope you f**king enjoyed them, whoever stole them" and "where do you get something to eat around here?"

Safety equipment of choice: none to be seen.

Drinks of choice: McDonalds (four cups), Jimmy Johns (one cup), and Cristalino sparkling wine (two bottles, no brown paper bag, and did I mention that it's across the street from a a Durham police substation?)

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Links: Bull City Rising on the skatepark planning and design.  Per the Durham Parks and Rec page, "Features include a floating quarter pipe, launch boxes, step-up bank, 3-seven step stairs with handrails, a street clam, and an 8 inch trog bowl."  And the Durham skatepark's unofficial MySpace page (Age: 36, Mood: stoked)

Please pardon the crap pix from my otherwise useful Blackberry.

A Singular Window

Now and then I see something and think, "you know -- those things weren't around before our time, and they won't be around after."  My list, so far, of stuff that will only exist within the 50 to 150 year window we're in at the moment.

Fifteen year old virgins.  In agrarian times, fifteen year olds were plenty old enough for marriage.  In the latter half of the twentieth century, a whole lot of states considered it illegal for fifteen year olds to be having sex.  These days, parents are fighting a losing effort to keep their high schoolers from sleeping with each other.

Cars with internal combustion engines.  Before the 20th century, they didn't exist in quantity.  Before long, I suspect that climate/cost concerns plus improved battery technology will take the IC engine off the road.

Lifetime employment with large corporations.  That window opened and shut within two generations.

Common folk traveling to see something radically new.  Before the middle of the 20th century, very few regular folk could travel far from home to see something very very different.  Today, millions of Americans regularly travel to South America, Europe and Asia to some very new things.  But I suspect in a few decades, we'll have the technology to "walk" the streets of Rio, Nice and Karachi from the comfort of our own living rooms. We'll have local access to the foods and styles of everywhere, as will they.  So sure, we'll be able to travel to Moscow or Jakarta in 2080.  But it won't seem nearly as special as a trip would, today.

Marriage for love that lasts forever.  Nineteenth century marriages were much more practical than romantic. 21st century marriages are less likely to last forever.  (See report: Marriage's Best Days Have Gone By)

America is the world's only superpower.  You don't need to read Paul Kennedy to know it won't last forever. And you don't need to be a radical to think the monopoly will last much longer.

Penny loafers, mullets, and pet rocks.  I'm pretty sure about at least two of those.

Additions or arguments?

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Popular Science scan from the Modern Mechanix blog.

Measurements on the Fly

Greetings from airTran flight 305, Denver to Atlanta*.  I'm having my first airline Wi-Fi experience and I like it.  I definitely like it better than the crazy vibe that marred our last moments at the gate -- with several attendants rushing and barking at passengers who couldn't find space for their bags.

My Denver friend Ken is a first officer for a major airline, and just this week he was telling me about one of the industry's particular stupids.  It turns out that crew ratings (and their bonuses) are highly dependent on their on-time departure numbers, so they work like crazy to make their schedule, and often piss off passengers in the process.  They get left at the gate, or run like cattle in the plane.  In theory, the airlines want on-time departures because passengers say they want them.

The error, as Ken points out, is that passengers don't really care about departure times.  They care about arrival times -- making connections and getting home (or to meetings) on schedule.  Pilots can make up a lot of time in the air, so a few minutes on the ground aren't a big deal -- especially if you communicate.  "Hello folks.  We're a few minutes late taking off, but don't worry -- we've got good weather over Nebraska and have found a route that will get you to Atlanta right on time."  

Related: Ken also wants supermarket cashiers to skip the price check when there are long lines. For as much money as the store spends to get you there -- why hold up the world while someone checks whether a can of beans is $1.29 (like the scanner says) or $1.19 (like the customer thought it said at the aisle)?  Instead -- spend the dime.  Move the line.  Trust the customer and let them tell their friends how "Safeway took my word over the computer -- there's still hope for humanity!"

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*continuing to Rio de Janiero.  Dang!  If only I could stay on -- especially since I'm in business class today -- but I'm switching planes and heading home to Durham.  See you there soon, if there's where you are.

Photo from Paul Stamatiou's blog, with an in-depth description of how airline WiFi works, and a screenshot of his speedtest numbers (1.52 to 2.6 MBPS down).  My only bummer is that there are no electric plugs and my Lenovo has ween batteries... but I'll live.  For Atlanta to RDU, I can continue reading Geoffrey Moore's Crossing the Chasm, while stretching my legs in a reclining emergency-row seat (yes, I'm a 5'6" traveler who'll grab the good seats any time he can.)

Denver of the Wacky Weather

Above, three days ago: shorts and sunshine.

Same hammock, today:

Perfect for snowballs, by the way -- many of which I threw after brunch and dinner.

I do love Denver, along with my dear friends who I come to visit when I can.  If only I could take the best of Denver, San Francisco, Portland OR, Asheville and Providence and bring them home to Durham... I'd be so pleased.

Here Comes the Sun -- George Harrison and Paul Simon

For Facebook readers who aren't seeing the embedded video, click here.

We've had some grey days lately.  Not cold, but grey and a little bit wet -- the kind of mix that can send me confused in October when I'm fretting that the warm days are gone.

I'm grateful for today's sun and warmth.  And for this performance which I first saw in the early 90s.  Didn't see it again until recently. In my memory, the Harrison's harmonies were more distinct and more frequent.  But I'm OK with the tease, so long as the sun is out.

If You Are Going Through Hell, Keep Going

If you are going through hell, keep going.

- Winston Churchill.

h/t to Barry at En Revanche, who has recently posted an inspiring attorney's obituary.*

Rodney Atkins provides the country version of the Churchill quote.  Like many country singers, Atkins uses some, um, "least common denominator" language to get his point across.  And like many country songs, this one makes pretty decent sense.

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*In case you're wondering what tax lawyers do, in addition to making movies like The Firm, here's something from the Missouri Bar Bulletin.

Published on: 1/1/2006 Stanley Weiner 

The seeds of what would become Missouri's IOLTA program were planted in the early 1980s, when the Board of Governors of The Missouri Bar asked Kansas City attorney Stanley P. Weiner, a member of the firm of Shook, Hardy & Bacon, to chair a Special Task Force on Interest on Lawyers' Trust Accounts.

The Board charged the task force with looking into the feasibility of establishing an IOLTA program - a concept already operational in several states - in Missouri. 

"I was appointed to chair the task force because IOLTA had a significant tax issue, and I'm a tax attorney," Weiner recently recalled with a laugh."The analogy that tax people use is that 'whoever owns the tree pays taxes on the fruit.' When clients have their money in a trust account with an attorney, they own the tree.Theoretically, they should pay income tax on the earnings in that trust account.That was the tax issue. 

"Because of the fact that the amounts of money that would be generated in terms of [interest] income to clients are so small, and because attorneys combine many of their trust account monies together, the result is that accounting for who has $2.14 of interest on the $1,000 they left in a trust account for two months is just too expensive.Up until IOLTA, these trust account funds were put in non-interest bearing accounts because attorneys could not keep the interest themselves - it wasn't their money and it was unethical," Weiner said. 

"It was Florida that came up with the idea of changing it so that the income could be sent to IOLTA without accounting for the income as the client's," he added.The Florida program was also aided by a favorable Internal Revenue Service ruling stating that the interest generated by client funds held in an interest-earning trust account does not belong to the client. 

At the request of the Board of Governors, Weiner traveled to Florida to further investigate the operation of that program.

Joining Weiner on the fact-finding mission was Richard F. Halliburton, executive director of Legal Aid of Western Missouri. ... Weiner and Halliburton, along with the other members of the task force, then prepared a recommendation for a voluntary IOLTA program. ... "When the Supreme Court adopted the Board of Governors' recommendation, Missouri became the 30th state to adopt IOLTA," Weiner said. ... "Glenn shared the Foundation's emphasis that a minimal staff was essential," Weiner added. ... "It's hard to believe that it has been 20 years."

Hurricane Seasons

For my pal Grace, who had a real hurricane* named after her this year:

The 2009 list of tropical storms / hurricanes, If pirates ran the World Meteorological Association:

• Hurricane Arrrrthur
• Barrrrtholemew
• Carrrrter
• Darrrrrothy
• Edgarrrrr
• Farrrrrley
• Grace o' my Harrrrrt.

Rumor has it that 2010 will be named by old school developers. Hacked out of somebody's core dump, planned names include: Hurricanes ASCII, BASIC, C++, DevJam** and EPROM.

Recent excavations in northern Sinai have revealed two seasons from antiquity, when Mediterranean storms were apparently more common than now.  One season included tropical storms Anubis, Bal, Carnac, and Darius.***  Another season included Avraham, Binyamin, Chaim, and Dori.  It is not yet known whether these two seasons represented a time of peaceful power sharing between the Egyptians and the Israelites, or a wresting of power from one by the other.

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*From the National Hurricane Center, this morning at 11: ..."GRACE SHOULD BE ABSORBED BY A FRONT BY TUESDAY MORNING."  BTW on the Grace of my Heart soundtrack - do LPs spin the other way around, south of the equator?

**suggested by some old guy from OpenNMS.

***"Detroit" appeared before "Darius" but was crossed out.  Similarly, "Delicatessen" was crossed out in the second list.

 

Foodshare Challenge this SATURDAY at the Carrboro Farmer's Market

FOODSHARE CHALLENGE - RAISE 1000 POUNDS OF FRESH FOOD TO FEED THE HUNGRY

CARRBORO FARMERS' MARKET THIS SATURDAY 8AM UNTIL NOON

Please join the Carrboro Farmers’ Market farmers in challenging local residents to come out to the Carrboro Farmers Market on Saturday, September 26th between 8a and noon to raise 1000 pounds of food to feed the hungry. The CFM farmers have donated over 7,500 pounds of marketable food since June to organizations that feed the hungry in Orange, Chatham and Durham Counties.

On Saturday, we will give shoppers the opportunity to follow our farmers' example. They can buy their groceries at the market and while they are there, donate a bag of food for the hungry.

According to the USDA, NC is the second highest state in the country for childhood hunger. One in four children in North Carolina do not have adequate access to food. The FoodShare Challenge is a great opportunity for local residents to come to the market, support the farmers and learn more about what we can all do to help feed the hungry in our community.

The event will feature photos from nationally recognized photographer Donn Young, of The North Carolina Hunger Project, and educational information from hunger relief organizations from Raleigh, Durham, Chatham, Orange and Wake Counties. The event will have art activities for children, a donation station and lots of good food -- all for a good cause.

In addition to volunteers, participating community organizations include: The Inter-Faith Council for Social Services, The Society of St. Andrews, Durham Branch of the central and eastern NC Food Bank, Fair Local Organic student organization from UNC, Inter-Faith Food Shuttle, and the Chatham County Outreach Alliance. Eastern Carolina Organics (E.C.O.) and Weaver Street Market of Southern Village are donating the boxes and the Inter-Faith Food Shuttle of Raleigh will be doing the deliveries with their refrigerated trucks.

Please call or email Margaret Gifford at 919.967.6464 or mgw@well.com, or Sarah Blacklin at 919.280.3326 or info@carrborofarmersmarket.com for more information, or to volunteer or donate.

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Photo: CarrboroWeb

More info on: Carrboro's Farmer Foodshare

Erasure - Chains of Love, Acoustic/Live

Old enough to buy liquor, Erasure's Chains of Love*:

I recently read that Matt Mullenweg -- chief of Automattic/WordPress -- swears by music as a productivity enhancer.**  And not long ago, a business colleague said the same thing about students with ADHD whose brains need something extra to chew on while they're studying.

So I'm trying it this weekend -- looking for music that helps me work. Some artists definitely don't help (e.g., Dave Brubeck), but Enrico Caruso's Italian Songs did the trick for helping me focus this afternoon. Enrico Caruso rolled alphabetically into Erasure on my media player, so I got to hear a few tracks of Pop! The First Twenty Hits*** while I finished a task I've been struggling through for weeks. Now, of course, I'm blogging instead of working. But hey, didn't you read? I finished my task!

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*Enjoy the video.  A little different from the synth-pop version, eh?

**"Music helps me when I'm coding, which is still my priority. When you're coding, you really have to be in the zone. I'll listen to a single song, over and over on repeat, like a hundred times." -- The Way I Work: Matt Mullenweg, Inc. Magazine.

***"The First Twenty Hits."  Hyperbole aside, can you imagine having twenty hits at all, never mind a first set?

The Spirituality of Imperfection: on forgiving

From The Spirituality of Imperfection - Storytelling and the Journey to Wholeness (Kurtz and Ketcham, 1992):

Rabbi Elimelech of Lizensk was asked by a disciple how one should pray for forgiveness.  He told him to observe the behavior of a certain innkeeper before Yom Kippur.

The disciple took lodging at the inn and observed the proprietor for several days, but could see nothing relevant to his quest.

Then, on the night before Yom Kippur, he saw the innkeeper open two large ledgers. From the first book he read off a list of all the sins he had committed throughout the past year. When he was finished, he opened the second book and proceeded to recite all the bad things that had occurred to him during the past year.

 When he had finished reading both books, he lifted his eyes to heaven and said, "Dear G-d, it is true I have sinned against You. But You have done many distressful things to me too. 

"However, we are now beginning a new year. Let us wipe the slate clean. I will forgive You, and You forgive me."

"Forgiving" has been showing up on my radar with some frequency these days.  Not as much as other themes, but sure enough plenty.  I've had this wonderful book for a few years and am reading it more carefully right now in a time that (coincidentally?) is full of struggles for my extended family.

One of my closests friends holds a PhD in theology, and I've often joked that the PhD means that when she meets her maker, her list of complaints will be longer, more detailed, and better written than the lists presented by us regular folk.

The Spirituality of Imperfection suggests that God can forgive unconditionally, but that humans can't. In addition:

But forgiving is not the same thing as forgetting.  "Letting go" of the past is not some kind of erasure; forgiveness is not an attempt to obliterate the past or wipe the slate clean. "The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive, but they do not forget," commented radical psychiatrist Thomas Szasz, echoing the nineteenth-century German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, who phrased this core insight in another way: "To forgive and forget means to throw away dearly bought experience."

The Spirituality of Imperfection seems like an easy read at first.  But then you notice little things like the above paragraph and its seeming contradiction with the prior story about "wiping the slate clean."  In any case it's a worthy read.  I recommend it to anyone -- whether or not you have a G-d in your world.